When someone bestows upon you an award nomination for the blog you write, for me it is a both a humbling and rewarding feeling. I was recently nominated for Liebster Award Nomination by the author (bugsmetwo) of the blog bumpsnpothole. She writes about her experiences growing up in a narcissistic family, how it has effected her, and her struggles to cope with life being raised in a home with dysfunction. I find her honesty about her troubled marriage, struggles with men and relationships very interesting, since I too grew up in a home with dysfunction myself (who doesn’t have some right?). I also look at her blog to understand how she Ideals with feelings and emotions, as in my own two sons have grown up with their (more than) fair share of dysfunction.
I want to extend a BIG THANK-YOU for the nomination. It is comforting to know that someone can find something of value in the words I write. Whether it is learning about something, sharing concerns, or simply a place to feel not so alone in our life’s struggles, I am glad that through writing about my experiences, my blog can be that place. Again, Thank-you sister blogger!
Rules of the nomination:
The 11 questions that she asked:
1. What motivated you to start this blog?
When I made the discovery that my husband was having an affair, I was devastated and didn’t know what to do or how to handle the situation. At first I didn’t tell anyone, but felt so alone. Without any answers on what to do I turned to the internet and found a world of information and support. I only read and then ocassionally commented for four months but was encouraged by another website to tell my story, as much of what I read about my specific situation (married to a narcissistic man/possible sex addict) was a bit different than most I read and honestly while inspiring they didn’t give me much hope. I wanted a different outcome than what predicted so I began my blog to share my experiences and while no expert thought that maybe my writing could save another from the pain and suffering that infidelity brings to your life.
2. Have I achieved my goal by writing this blog?
Yes and no. The yes; I have shared my experiences and read about so many other’s that I have felt support and comfort needed when I felt I had no one. No one that would understand at least. It was/is the only place that could be found that was a life preserver when I was drowning. Has my marriage been saved? That answer is yes and no. While my husband and I are still together and basically getting along fairly well. We do enjoy spending time together and do enjoy many of the same activities. But the no portion is that I feel that we haven’t tackled the bigger problems we have, than the just the affair. The dysfunction within our marriage and families are issues that must be addressed if this marriage is to survive. I enjoy writing my blog and reading and supporting others in similiar situations. I don’t mean finding joy in others suffering but knowing that there are those that do understand and to not feel totally alone.
3. Do people close to me know of my blog?
No, most do not. Only 2 or 3 of my closest friends, I never told them they couldn’t read it but I don’t think that they have. Occasionally, I have read them part of a post as I was working on. But it would be me asking if something sounded right or if it was understandable to others. I suppose if family thought I was blogging and wanted to see it, they could find it because it’s not private or hidden.
4. What is your favorite hobby?
“Hello, my name is chely and I’m a bead-a-holic”. That is a little joke my bff and beading partner and I have between ourselves. I love to bead, make jewelry, adorn clothing, create mosiacs and various other things created using beads. I joke about being a bead-a-holic because despite have acquired a large inventory of beads -I ALWAYS WANT MORE! I once purchased at a garage sale a pretty big rolling suitcase stuffed with beads, accessories for $30.00. It was so disorganized and just shoved in there it took me two months to sort and organize everything. When I did and assessed just what I had gotten – My guess was that it was over $1000.00 in beads etc. I just about had a bead orgasm I swear.
5. What would change about self or makes me who I am?
I wish I would of perserved more in my education when I was younger. I am a smart, dynamic woman who has missed opportunities that I know I could of excelled in simply because I did not have that piece of paper, even with demonstrated success through experience.
6. How has life treated treated you and how do I handle it?
Sometimes not so fairly I felt. But the biggest part I learned it that life in NOT always fair that’s just the way it is. I have handled it well and I have handled it poorly. Doesn’t do that much good to complain – no one cares as much about me but me. So acceptance of what is allows me some peace in dealing with ups & downs in my life. For better or worse it is life.
7. Are you a people person?
Absolutely. I don’t shy away, love meeting new people and open to lots of opinions and ideas. I’ve done sales frequently and have been told I could “sell ice to eskimos”. But not all people are created equal in that some are givers, others only take and after awhile I become unable to be around people like that regularly. Because I’m compassionate, caring and yes giving of myself, I have to keep my awareness up so to not get drawn into their drama and situations. And not end taken advantage of or manipulated.
8. What do you do for fun?
I love to walk. I love to dance. I love to bead. I love to bead. I love the ocean and the rivers and lakes here throughout Northern California. So may great places to be outdoors. I also love to do DIY projects, building, repairing with tools, power tools. I’m the female version of “tool time Tim” -anybody remember that show? I hate to cook.
9. Can I laugh at myself? or take a light approach to serious situations.
Sort of, I can, but it is more like a scolding inside that chides me for making stupid mistakes. Being married to a narcissistic husband for 20 years has taught me that everyone has their own opinion and just because mine maybe different doesn’t mean that I always have to change my view to match theirs. I’ve learned to take what hesays with a grain of salt and let it roll off my back. If I don’t let it effect me then that behavior looses it’s power. Doesn’t mean right or wrong simply that my life’s experience has lead me to a different one than yours, and I have a right to my own as you do yours. I don’t like it when people try to take the light approach when using sarcastic humor towards others (which is bullying/abuse) and then tries to laugh it of and imply that the target doesn’t have a sense of humor.
10. Do I have toddlers? and if so how do I deal with tantrums?
No toddlers. Mine are all grown (at least physically), they grew up in this family so without doubt have areas and issues that they will need to deal with a some point in their lives. I hate that they grew up exposed to the toxic ways my husband and I related to one another. It’s really not funny, but I used to joke that we were the poster family for dysfunction. I can’t recall any tantrum tricks that I used (that worked anyway). Seems like along time ago.
11. Are you a specific person when it comes to timing and order?
Not exactly sure what you mean but …. Friends used to tell me I was one of the most organized people they knew. Everything has a place it belongs at. A spouse who is a pack rat (not quite as bad as “hoarders” show) and attempting to keep up with all the “stuff” of 4 people (boys very much like him) – But after some time, I couldn’t handle it spend too muc time looking for misplaced things. But it’s tough to get back to organized well when you let it go.
The award says eleven more random facts about myself. Really I’m not that interesting. But I’ll try:
1. I prefer outdoors to indoors anytime (even winter) Have a great patio and backyard.
2. Love my sons but I always wanted a daughter.
3. Talk too much and often a bit loud, but I swear I’m not yelling.
4. I’ve had sex with a woman before and while it was okay, the thought of it was more exciting than actual for me.
5. I wish I had a good singing voice, alas I don’t but it doesn’t stop me from singing in the car loudly.
6. I have wide taste in music, and have attended over 100+ concerts in my years. FOR REAL!!!
7. I have struggled being the chunky girl most of my life, so the affair weight loss was the only good from that discovery.
8. I was so glad when J. LO made having a big booty cool.
9. Chocolate cheesecake is my weakness.
10. I’ve realized I don’t have to fit into everyone’s “cookie cutter” ideals to love myself.
11. You already know this, but if you are my friend and you needed my help, I would be there for you. You could count on me. Some think of this as a weakness, I do not. But it does open me up to be taken advantage of on occasion. But I understand that and would rather be who I am than pretend to be someone I’m not. You can call it whatever you want to.
The award calls for me to nominate 5 others for this award. (with less than 200 followers). This part was difficult as there are so many good blogs out there. In my opinion anyone who is willing to write about their story and share their writing on a blog is deserving, but I’ve chosen the following 5 for the unique style or topic. I hope you find them as interesting as I have, do check them out .
eleven questions for nominees:
1. how long have you been blogging?
2.how much time do you spend blogging-in a day? in a week?
3.what is the best thing for you about blogging?
4.does your spouse/partner read your blog?
5.what’s your favorite movie?
6.what’s your favorite way to relax?
7.if you could change one thing about yourself -what would that be?
8.name one thing on your bucket list?
9.do you believe in extra-terrestrials?
10.what’s your favorite food?
11.how would you describe yourself in 15 words or less?
CONGRATULATIONS TO THE NEWEST LIEBSTER AWARD RECEIPTANTS
Whew! Finished with that.