Grow a Pair, part 3

At 8:30 the following morning the phone rang.  I knew it would be her.  I had wanted to have a conversation with this woman for almost two years and here I was about to answer the phone. I suddenly felt extremely apprehensive.  In my mind I had scripted what I would say to her if I ever got the chance.  But as I answered my mind clammed up. Not knowing what to say I simply said “hello”.

I wish that I had been able to record the conversation somehow, but I wasn’t prepared.  Maybe I didn’t think she would actually call.  I couldn’t even think of most of the questions I had wanted ask her.  I was shaking and nervous, I realized this could bring me  a lot of pain especially because this conversation could lead them into contact again. I hoped I wasn’t making a mistake.   I’ll do my best to recall the conversation.

I know that things started out cordial, I thanked her for calling me and admitted that it felt a bit awkward.  I explained that I had wanted to speak to her to possibly get answers to some of my questions.  Since husband wasn’t really very forthcoming.  I wish I could remember better but I was nervous and felt unprepared ( I really should of written out a list of questions to help me but I did not).

A bit of small talk about kids, and then she began by explaining that she was really sorry about being in the middle of our problems.  That it was a friendship that had escalated and kinda got out of control.  I asked her if they had ever met in person and hooked up?  And she stated NO.  I told her I find that hard to believe.  That since they were friends and during all the years (after working together) when they were in contact again that they never met for lunch or anything.  She said no.  Way back when they worked together yes they had had lunch, but not since then. Okay-maybe.  Then what went on between the two of you?  I could see that they felt never meeting in person meant they weren’t having an affair.  NOT!

She stated that mostly it was just two friends (I read “NOT JUST FRIENDS”) commiserating with one another about problems in marriages and life and they got a bit carried away.  Well what went on then? Mostly it was just flirty, baby talk to one another.  Both wishing that there was more promise in their marriages but finding that comfort with each other.  Made me kinda sick to my stomach.  My husband, baby talk?  Never been like that with me.

She said something about them realizing they were being inappropriate (yeah AFTER I discovered the text) and that they would end this and focus on repairing marriages.  That she hadn’t spoke to him since then.  Really?  I’m supposed to believe that?  And so how was her marriage going?  She tells me something about her and husband currently sleeping in seperate bedrooms and not a lot of progress in their marriage.  I commented something about well at least they have enough bedrooms in their house.  Then she says something about that they had to give up the big house they had because of expenses and the real estate bust a few years back.

Well I realized that she was not telling the truth about that.  Remember, I had gone to the town she lives in and had observed her there.  It occurred to me that she could be lying about all of it.  Or not.  Possibly she hoped I didn’t know where she lived and wouldn’t show up at her door to confront her.  Or maybe her husband didn’t know what had gone on between them and was nervous about her own can of worms.  I don’t know.  She could be playing me to the hilt, or simply deflecting fallout from our conversation.  I wish I was more prepared with questions but it felt weird talking to her about it.

We talked for a little less than an hour and in the end she told me that it was wrong of them to have slipped over the edge of that proverbial slope (my words not hers).  She assured me that they had never been intimate and guaranteed me that they never would.  That she understands now that it was wrong to have interacted they way they did. Since she had lied to me I really didn’t know what to believe.  She was probably trying to play down the whole thing save face for herself and my H, I mean did I really think she would admit the whole truth to me? No not really, but I needed to hear the tone of her voice, how she phrased things and what her reactions were.

I thanked her again for speaking with me and told her I didn’t blame her for his actions, I had no hard feelings towards her and wished her well in her marriage and life.

Aughh- I did it- had a conversation with her- but I felt I hadn’t handled as well as I could of.  Still didn’t know if any of my questions were really answered.  I was taught that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar and figured if I was abrasive she wouldn’t say anything helpful.  But now I wish I had been more direct- calling a spade a spade and shaking her up a bit more.  But I am a bit doormat-ish (believe it or not) when it comes to confrontation.

Shortly there after I received an text from her. (her in italicize, me in bold)

I’m super glad we chatted.  I hope u can rest ur mind on everything.  I promise u one wife to another no line ever crossed nor will it ever.  I will always consider ur husband (she said his name) and u as a friend and wish the best for u both.

Thank-you for your kind words-it means a lot to know the truth- What is your address, I have something i’d like to send you.  I do hope things work out in a positive way for you and your family.  Sincerely wishing good for you.

She then texted back an address

I didn’t really have anything I wanted to send (rat poison- just kidding!). But wondered what address she would give me.  The address was to a hardware store whose phone numbers had shown up on our bill in the past.  Her family must own it or something.  Why wouldn’t she just give me her real address?  Maybe her husband didn’t know a thing and might question something received at house.  Okay I could understand that.  But what was I going to send?

I remembered a little book I had been given years ago titled Secrets for Woman by J. Donald Walters.  It has a little bit of wisdom for everyday of the month- some good quotes and decided that was what I would send. I ordered one from Amazon.  I also wanted to send a letter so I could say some of the things that I had wanted to but didn’t during our conversation.

I began to write a draft of the letter while I waited for the book. There were some things that I needed to say to her.  This letter might be the last opportunity to make some things clear to her.  A very important letter- I think it took me four days to get to a final draft.  The last and final post in “grow a pair” to follow soon.

Yes you will get to see the letter.