After going to actually lay eyes on her the week before, had somehow softened how much I despised her. I realized that she was just someone he choose because of her vulnerabilty and was a victim of his manipulation. She fit the profile, just like me- with co-dependant tendancies, with him portraying himself as the knight in shining armour coming to save us. (If you’ve been a faithful reader you’ll know what the hidden meaning is). YES, She made bad choices, but she really was not to blame – he was the one who had pursued it (that much he has admitted to me).
Back on topic here…
…So the next morning, I checked his phone to see if any response had been made. Nope, Nothing.
I decided to try again.
Thinking back to texts I had read between them (which was only a few) I attempted to make my texts sound like they were sent by my husband. The following is an exact transcript (I took pictures with my phone before deleting). with the bold written by me as if from my husband and the italicized are the responses received from her:
Hello-you off or on today
work.. u r?
Coming your way when you off
Who is this…lol
Oh your funny-
Can I see you today?
Seriously I lost
Your kidding right- I need to see you today
What’s going on?
Just been a while missing you
Ya sort of
I in same boat
Ya were two souls looking for love
I’m not sure either but I like what I have with you
You don’t agree
Well maybe I mistake how you feel
You don’t want to play with me anymore
No comment cuz I still not 100% clear..if
Follow what ? Maybe I should not of textd u
Can’t right now
Do you still want me
Call when you can
OMFG -I did it! I had an on going conversation with her (texting) from his phone.
What the hell was I thinking?
Obviously I wasn’t, as I realized that if he didn’t contact her that she would most likely contact him on Monday when he’s at work.. Now I really did it. Maybe they weren’t in contact after all? Maybe I had just laid the ground work for them to be in contact again?
Can’t leave well enough alone can you stupid!!
Now I was going to end up having to explain how I had used his phone once he got a call from her.
Yeah sometimes I’m like that, act before I think.
So now I needed a remedy for this can of worms that I had foolishly opened. Think Chely, think. Surely you can get your ass out of this one. Think…..
…..and after I deleted all the texts from his phone and I then sent her a text from my phone:
Hello this is Chely-i’d like to talk to you. No hard feelings-just a couple of questions. Please give me a call. Thanks
An hour later I got a reply:
Chely first of all…I sorry for any contribution I had on u guys. Lots going on with me at time & I wasn’t thinkn n being stupid. Look forward to chatting with you tomorrow
I appreciate that- we’ll chat tomorrow thx
And I waited for tomorrow.
Hopefully I had put a plug in the dam that would of busted open on Monday (and I would have to own up to what I did). I didn’t really WANT to do that if I didn’t have to. I now wanted to see where this would lead.
Dammit if he wasn’t going to give me any answers, I’ll just have to get them any way I can.
The treadmill is slowing down, I can feel it. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
In all honesty what else did I really have to loose?
This mediocre reconciliation?
The love of my husband?
Think that one may already be gone…
…or at least the kind of love that I really need…
…no longer is just present and accounted for acceptable…
…I’m tired of that warm fuzzy roommate kinda love..
…with benefits but I want REAL.
I can have a great orgasm by myself
I have a great vibrator!
I want a partner who at least acts like he wants to be with me.
This mid-life crisis,
been married along-time,
love you but don’t love you
man I married –
can really drive you to do crazy things
Looks like this will be a multi-part story… look for the post next week sometime.
Be out of town for a few days, ironically going to a wedding.
In the mean time feel free to share your thoughts about how stupid or ballsy you think I am. Need a little input here friends! Thanks