Even though I am on a positive track with my husband, it does not mean I have given up sharing any and all that I have learned in the hopes of preventing any type of abuse AND infidelity in relationships and marriages. As many of you know the pain from abuse and/or infidelity is deep, intense and takes a long time to even begin to subside. Knowledge is power. If we only knew then what we know now. So I will continue to post about my life and progress as well as pertinent information that I feel is worthy of sharing. The key is to be able to reach those (somehow) that have not been hurt by a cheating spouse. So if you have any thoughts on how to achieve that please share. I think this next post is a very important message to get out there. Read on…..
Technology and Relationships; New Age, New Rules, A New Understanding
How did you discover your spouse’s infidelity? A cell phone? Did they think that they were doing nothing wrong because they only communicated on a cell phone? What is the one thing that has increased the ease to which people can partake in secret activities? The cell phone or more specifically a smartphone and the internet. Studies are starting to show the negative effective technology is having on how connections are formed (or changed) due to the effects of utilizing this technology in our daily lives. Hell it’s a requirement to be plugged in, in today’s workforce otherwise your kinda left behind. Like it or not this technology catapults us into the a new age of relationships and we must be aware it’s effects on our personal relationships.
Dr. Joseph Nowinski Ph.D. states in his article “Internet Infidelity When a Poke is more than a Poke”
“Researchers have begun to investigate the phenomenon of internet infidelity and some of this research is very informative, especially since it appears to confirm that infidelity is infidelity regardless of how it starts or where it leads to.”
If your spouse felt like they were doing nothing wrong because they hadn’t met in person. Then it’s probably time to talk about unacceptable behavior and cellphones and the internet.
Others studies looked further into this new arena and were surprised to find how the using a cellphone on a regular basis in normal day to day activities is actually changing how our brains make connections in relationships and the modified ways in which forming these connections is being printed in our brains.
In the article titled “Is your Smartphone Making You Dumb” by Ron Friedman Ph.D. He states:
“Even when our phones sit perfectly still, simply having it in our peripheral vision tempts us to split our attention, leaving us with less mental firepower for our work. But it’s not just our problem solving execution that suffers: A University of Essex study found that the presence of a cellphone interferes with our ability to form close interpersonal connections.”
What this means to me is that it’s time for some new rules when it comes to technology in your personal and professional lives. If your spouse basically thought they weren’t doing anything wrong because they never met in person then maybe it’s time for a talk (after your read these articles) with your partner, friends and families about how this “change” can have detrimental effects on us. If we ignore new understanding of what cellphone usage can do to us and our relationships, I think we will definitely see a rise in emotional infidelity. There are plenty of other articles about what happens when our smartphones become smarter than us, too many to list – just google it !
I feel like it’s to the point where you have got to decide with your partner what is acceptable and what is not. Can they talk to old flames casually? What topics are okay and what is not? How much transparency is needed in cellular activity? What work activity is a cover up for something else? Considering how EASY it is to go incognito where everything is private and unseen, what is your level of comfort with what they do share as the whole truth? What are your thoughts? How has a cellphone effected your relationships personal or professional?