T.O.R.

I have been told many times that I am too sensitive, too emotional. For the most part, I guess you could say I somewhat agree with that. I know I can get all teared up over what some wouldn’t even bat an eyelash at. I call these tears of recognition </em>. I’m not wanting to save the world (tough enough time just saving myself) they are the way I show I have feelings and emotions within me. The things I do, the things I believe are true to my heart. The ability to see and feel the hurt and troubles of others. Also known to many as empathy, the ability to stand in another’s shoes and see from that vantage point. Yes, when you possess empathy, you can see things from another’s point of few.

When you possess this quality many things can trigger those T.O.R.. Movies, many scenes in movies bring tears to these eyes & those commercials about the abused animals requesting donations, impoverished children waiting for my sponsorship. I don’t think I change these sad situations, my tears are just recognition of pain that another is feeling. Closer to home, comments made during a conversation that truthfully are not directed at me but somehow resonate within me as I know I am lacking/slacking on particular subject. Yes I know that I am not perfect, actually so far from it that sometimes reality bites. Yes with empathy I can even see the short comings of myself. ( more TOR).

And I used to think that my sensitivity made me special in some way. That I was more in touch with my feelings, not in denial like I thought others must be (especially spouse). I felt like I was the stronger because I knew what emotions get stirred within me, that I was more oh let’s call it “well rounded” because I didn’t close those emotions out.

However my opinion has changed a little bit, because in today’s world that is not the norm. Not that there aren’t others who have these same qualities, just it seems our world has less tolerance of people’s feelings and emotions. It’s tough to make it in this “dog devour as many dogs as you can” world we live in today. There isn’t a lot of room for emotional thoughts on this narcissistic planet. We live in the “what can you do for me” world. That attitude is taking over the place inside of individuals where compassion and empathy used to live.

I have been called a marshmellow by my husband, also the animal whisperer. Because he knows how big my heart is and uses it(I’m pretty sure) to his advantage. I will not ever, not for one minute be ashamed of my emotions. I am a caring, passionate, empathetic, strong woman who will not apologize for my tears of recognition. Whether they come from caring for myself, a moment of pity party, or because something about another touches me, I am not afraid of my emotions and I will let them shine.

Even if it makes me “prey” in this world we live in? Can you say groomed to be co-dependant growing up?”

Yep, I own my tears of recognition. My narcissist does not posess tears of recognition for himself or anyone. Even with his eyes wide open, he will never shed a tear that recognizes the suffering of another.

Sad to be missing such a big part of what makes us different from all living things.

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9 thoughts on “T.O.R.

  1. CrazyKat1963 says:

    I totally agree with you and feel your pain. We know that my husband is actually not Narcissistic. He has done many personality tests in order for the “experts” to diagnose his “other” disorder, so we know he is not NPD, however, my husband pretended to be sensitive, but now I know he wasn’t being genuine. That whole compartmentalization thing, again. I am highly sensitive. Now I can clearly see when he is not being genuine. Yikes, it’s scary. I guess he will get there. I hope.

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    • chely5150 says:

      That’s wonderful that your husband isn’t narcissistic (maybe just exhibit some of those qualities) because it just adds to the situation. I’ve never wanted to label him as he has never been diagosed as such, however as much as I’ve read on the subject I have no doubt that he fits the profile, maybe at the lower end of scale but a narcisssist none the less. But he’s the nice kind (don’t get me wrong he has his raging moments too) caring, nice but underhanded in many ways. Knowing him as long as I have(and being a highly sensitive person that picks up on his clues now) I see the wicked way his brain operates, not so much always focused on hurting me simply focused on himself. I’ve really been tuning into my intuition and observation powers and it’s amazing what i see and feel that i’ve been unable to prior to this. No more rosy glasses at my house.

      Liked by 1 person

      • CrazyKat1963 says:

        Yes, I have also read extensively on NPD because of my mother in law. She fits every single criteria for being a narcissist, I mean every single one. And it is not just because I cannot stand her. I cannot stand her because she is a narcissist. My husband definitely has tendencies, but the sex addiction is driving those behaviors (at least according to the “experts.”) We have no contact with the in laws anymore because my MIL will never acknowledge her behavior, a rather glaring sign of a narcissist, and my husband is no longer strong enough to be in her presence. Stripping away the cloak of a sex addict leaves a pretty unbalanced, vulnerable person exposed. I am glad you have taken off your rosy glasses. Better to see things clearly and make decisions based on clarity, than the other way around.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. lorna likiza says:

    Hi Chely? I’ve always been a very sensitive person myself. I would cry over the flimsiest of things and it didn’t even sound `African.’ You know Africans believe that only Whites are emotional creatures who cry easily but we are tougher probably because of our harsh societal experiences i guess. But i tend to believe that the real thing here is that Africans have a huge problem being in touch with their emotions. We harden ourselves so much even to our own spouses and kids. We don’t kiss and hug them as often as we should and our kids (mainly daughters) go out there in search of those affections from men they could have otherwise avoided cuz their fathers were `too tough’ to make them feel loved at home. Well with a narc in my life, it was inevitable not to harden eventually because i realized that my tears only made her happy and not the least bit concerned and the best way to counter some of her unfairness was not to act too sensitive. I had to toughen up in order to survive in this `me,myself and i’ kind of world.

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    • chely5150 says:

      So true Lorna, when your a highly sensitive person you really do have to steel yourself (toughen up) to not be eaten by the wolves in this world with messed up priorities. But here’s the hardpart, balancing toughening up while remaining true to yourself. It too easy to loose grip of that when hsp is also co-dependant. At least that is where i struggle because when i try it i am then a angry bitch, tough to find that medium. Because i think im doing a tactful job at it but it just comes across as bitchy. I still hug my sons every chance i get (they let me). Son A is more of a hugger, son B not as much. Yes different cultures could certainly affect perceptions on this. I hadn’t thought of it that way. Thanks for a bit different perspectative, opening our minds to a different view is always a good thing. Take care!

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    • chely5150 says:

      Yes we do have to toughen up some, but careful not to go too far and loose those qualities that make us special. A friend suggested I google “highly sensitive person” and I found quite a bit of interesting info helping me understand me. You may enjoy that reading as well, gave me some interesting perspective on why i feel and do some of what I do – i mean that in a positive way. Hugs to you lorna
      chely

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  3. chely5150 says:

    Good idea -thanks I will.

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  4. Lisa says:

    My mother has always said that I need to “toughen up, quit being so sensitive”. My husband has always told me that I see the world through rose colored glasses.
    Google the phrase “Highly Sensitive Person”. Also “Highly Sensitive People in relationships”. I believe the results will interest you.

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