I feel like such a terrible blogger! Been too many days since my last post! However, I have a pretty good excuse; it was my anniversary (yep we’re still counting – 19 years). My husband and I went away for a 3-day weekend. We had a wonderful time (for the most part) but then again we ALWAYS did have a great time on vacation. He has NEVER disappointed in that category- oh that’s right it’s because he likes to enjoy himself on vacation, he works hard, he deserves it and I get to go because he doesn’t like to go alone, not because I deserve it too! It made me start to think about those two words NEVER AND ALWAYS
Two words; Two small words that can add so much defensiveness to any conversation. Think about it; does anyone really do anything always or never at all? Do they? I think not but just to sure i’m clear I must refresh myself with “true definitions” of these two unique words. So I grabbed my old, rather tattered, (the cover is almost non-existent), dictionary and started flipping though to find my two words. First there’s always; adv. 1. every time 2. forever 3. in any event or if necessary 4. continually. Then the word never adv. 1. not ever or at no time. 2. not at all or absolutely not. (Random House dictionary from 1978)
Rather interesting that these two simple words can convey so much when added to our conversations. Generally speaking when you start adding those words to the conversations you have with spouse or other loved ones, there is underlying meaning to what your TRYING to get across. Talks that included these devilish little words, come from a place of feeling unheard and that our needs aren’t being met, we want to feel good so we dump on our partners. These words are unproductive and create defensive attitudes in our conversations and generally just add fuel to a smoldering fire. If its like my house used to be, more like a yelling match (both trying to out do each other) than a conversation (still can be sometimes). So I thought i’d share with you my lists of never and always about husband AND myself. I would never pick on him with dishing some out for myself. It wasn’t too hard actually, kind of felt good to actually write down some of these deeply ingrained flaws I see in both of us. Fun, oh hell no! But anything that opens my eyes is good and writing is such good therapy.
ALWAYS extreme procrastinator: so disorganized can’t even SEE his mess, we haven’t filed our taxes on time in at least 7 years because he can’t find something and refuses to let me help.
ALWAYS a pessimist: he thinks his glass is half-empty, but throughout recession he never lost job, never lost our home, worried about how we going to eat, has more saved for retirement than a lot of others (yes we lost money in the stock market but who didn’t). Still took vacations- poor him!
ALWAYS demands unconditional respect: yet he is so self-centered he gives no respect to anyone of us, even when he knows he’s wrong then, it’s all our fault.
NEVER allows someone else to have/express their own opinion: Can you say control freak! But is so afraid of failure that he makes himself look pretty good on the outside but won’t try another way (someone else’s ideas) if his is not working.
NEVER makes me his #1 priority: Yes i’m in the top five (I hope), if I ever was #1 is was a short time very long ago. It’s all about him, his money, his car, his fishing trip, anything but me.
Never has shown his TRUE colors to the rest of the world!: Likes for others to think he is sooo wonderful, picking up the entire tab, going the extra mile for a friend or other (not immediate) family member while saving his special NARCISSISTIC WAYS for only those he truly loves – ME & THE BOYS! At least it’s only one of us at a time that he will focus on.
ALWAYS to quick to over-react & way too emotionally: Yes I know, i’m way too sensitive and defensive at the same time.
ALWAYS have had a loud voice & yell too much: My mom is a yeller so I guess I got that from her. Hey you never have to ask me to speak up!
ALWAYS too much of a caregiver/Mother to others: When I should’ve taken care of myself equally as much.
NEVER thought that he ever stopped loving me (even during his affair) Looks like I’m a malignant optimist.
NEVER fulfilled my career dreams: Currently working on it, I’m attending licensing program for Real Estate Agent.
NEVER could STOP the damage to our family from Narcissism, even though I KNEW BETTER way back then.
So there it is my NEVER/ALWAYS list! I definitely could of made BOTH of our lists a lot longer, but I didn’t want to get carried away since I’m trying to focus on the positive these days. Take a minute, stop and think how many times you’ve plastered your arguments (probably even thought you were communicating) with these two little words. Like a snow ball cascading down the hill it’s ALWAYS is going to pick up speed and it’s NEVER going to stop until it hits the bottom. Never let this happen to you, Always take a breathe and think before you speak!!
Quote of the day
“You ALWAYS talk the most about the one you will NEVER leave.” unknown
OH MY GOD- I THINK I DID IT- I BELIEVE THIS IS MY FIRST POST WITH PICTURES!!!!!! YEAH – I’M FEELING SO AWESOME I FIGUIRED IT OUT ALL BYMYSELF! YEAHOOOO!